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Looooooong time no blog....
Thingssss happened....I'm having a confusing feeling now: One one hand, i feel good coz, i know i'm growing in love that i've never felt before, especially love for my mom and the Lord, oh.....i can't keep my mind away from the Lord~....i just want intimate time being with him....on the other hand, for some reasons, i'm feeling down....i feel the world is a cruel place to be in, suddenly i feel everyone around me is acting very fake....not so sure which mask are they wearing, and confused with which mask i should put on.....or i'll just put on none- stunt. Sometimes i just want to scream out madly, but if my situation is better than other people, do I have the right to do so? Do i pass the 'sad-enough-situation-to-scream' test? Everyone knows 'trust' is a hard thing to build, and I especially wasn't borned with it.....well i'm learning to trust now, but who should I start with? I know i can definitely trust God, but scanning through the people around me........none.
Sometimes i feel the world is better off without me, since i dont mean anything to anyone, and i'm not good at anything....but its such a watse to end my life here n now because people are still going to hell i can still do something for the Lord.....and perhaps i can inherit some joy from the Lord while doing it...Does these comprehend with the verse 'pick up the cross , lay down your life' in the bible ? As in sort commit suicide to your life now, and turn fully towards God......? Well if it's so, why dont i feel joyful inside? Hope I can get the answer in the future....